A to Z, 2012-- P is for...

Pain.

Ah yes, my standard picture of pain. The Dread Pirate Roberts has returned!

Before things got too far removed, I just wanted to say thank you, to those who took time out of their day to wish me well.

The new medication (the one mentioned a few days ago) has been incredibly helpful. I'm not quite up to my normal speed, but it is indeed helping to keep my elevated pain levels under control.

I'm not so happy with the world spinning, as a side effect, but when I raised my concern about this, my doctor pointed out an interesting fact. "You're already not able to do anything when things get bad," he said, "But with this, at least you'll feel some pain relief while you're not able to do much!"

Touche, doc. Touche.

Anyway, this was not the "P" word that I had in mind. I have another word that I'll be talking more about tomorrow, in conjunction with the letter "Q". Or perhaps separately. I haven't decided yet.

See you then~!

A to Z, 2012-- M and N is for...

Medicine. New Medicine, to be specific.

Okay, so it's probably not the most exciting or inspired thing that I could post about. Actually, I had intended for my M post to be all about my Mommy... before the new M-word took over.

When I realized I wouldn't be able to write anything deep or emotional, I started to write about My Favorite Things. But again, my M-word took over my life and made it nigh impossible to write.

Mother Superior is not amused. "Shame on you!" she seems to say.

Regarding the letter N, the same thing happened. I had a whole other post that I got about halfway done~ see, I went shopping the other day and got lots of NEW and fun things to show off~ so *that* was what I was desperately trying to write about! On one hand, the word is still the same, so that's a win for me. On the other, this post has no resemblance to my original idea, so I'm not sure how happy I am about that part.

So here's the skinny. Those who have followed my blog for a bit now, know that I am dealing with chronic pain that seriously affects my quality of life. We're talking excruciating pain of the "every day of my life" variety. I have Endometriosis, plain and simple, and there is no real cure for my condition... or at least, none that are viable options for the way it has uniquely manifested itself in my body.

Because there is no real cure, my doctors are just managing my pain as best as they can. The past couple months have been exceptionally hard-- I was bed-ridden for weeks at a time, and I reached a point where my "bad" health days outnumbered the "good" ones. So my doctor prescribed a new medicine to try and keep those higher levels of pain in check.

After a couple days of trying it out, I'm pleased to say that the medicine DOES lower my pain levels. It's making the whole thing much more manageable-- instead of being bed-ridden I can actually get things done!

... Well... theoretically I would be able to get things done.

Reality, however, is a different story.

The new medicine is designed to combine with a different prescription of mine-- they enhance each other's effects and make both more effective. Unfortunately the combination makes me all kinds of dizzy and fuzzy, and it's not easy to get things done.

Despite all the side effects, however, taking the medicine it is much better than the alternative. I might not be as productive as I want to be, but I can at least get SOME things done~!

So here's to my New Medicine-- the letters M and N. See you all tomorrow for the next letter!

A to Z, 2012-- D is for...

Decisions.

We make decisions every day, every single one of us. Chefs, healers, doctors, mothers, engineers, teachers, athletes, movie stars, musicians, cashiers, day laborers, and yes, artists. It doesn't matter if we are rich or poor, happy or sad, strong or weak, we all make decisions every single day.

Morpheus and Neo know where it's at! What'll it be-- the red pill or the blue pill?

Some decisions are small, so small you don't even have to think about it-- for example, what music you will listen to on your commute. Others are made so often that they become part of a routine-- like what you will put in your coffee, or how you will style your hair, or what you do first in the morning after you wake up. Some decisions are new every day, but require some thought-- what to wear, what to cook, what you will do after work is over.

And some decisions we must make are so tremendously huge that they consume your thoughts and your life.


I'm at one of those crucial crossroads right now... and I have been for quite some time now.


When I first got sick, the question was whether I should have surgery or not. I weighed the options, and had the surgery. While it didn't give me any relief from the pain, it gave me something that I didn't have before-- an answer.


When I realized that teaching was out of the question for me, I had to figure out what to do with my life. That took quite a long time, but I eventually realized that I actually could "make it" as an artist. A life-changing decision, most definitely-- and while I question my choice all the time, I absolutely love what I am doing.

See? This might not be the best photo of me, but there's no doubt about it that I am happy to be making jewelry. Notice the earrings hidden by my hair, the bracelet designed by me, and the necklace designed by Hubby. I look like I'm ready to take on anything. Look out world, here I come~!

Yesterday, at the doctor's office, I talked to a new doctor. A specialist in his field, quite literally world-renowned. I now have some major choices to make about my treatment~ the decisions I make will affect my entire life's course, so I will have to think long and hard about my course of action.

Today, my decision was to buy a new earring stand for my jewelry display. I needed something that was more fun, and more functional, than the one that I was previously using. 

Apparently, in my universe, earrings grow on trees from the roots of bracelets... I'm practically a psycho-analysts' dream come true!

I love the tree, but am not so fond of the butterfly on top. I will probably be replacing it with something else, at some point in time.


Tomorrow's biggest decision will hopefully be nothing more than what to eat for lunch, or what components to put together for a necklace that I'm designing. The truly tough decisions will be on my mind for some time to come, because they are not the kind of choices that one makes in an instant. It's not every day that we are faced with the "big ones"-- and thank goodness for that.


See you all tomorrow, for the letter E, and don't forget to sign up for my giveaway, a few posts back. Don't forget that it is the love and support from my family and friends that has made me as strong as I am today-- and I consider all of you my friends <3

Day Twenty-Three, A Shopping Spree!!

And by "shopping spree," I mean that we got some new stones-- some stones I've been looking at for quite some time with wistful longing!

I was feeling quite down-in-the-dumps about a few things today, all of them related to one thing~ my health. Things are getting more complicated with my Endometriosis; my "bad days" now outnumber the "good" ones, and I'm spending an increasing amount of time bedridden and nauseous from the pain. Which means I'm missing out on life's events, both big and small.

Hubby knew I was upset about this, and came home with a FABULOUS "care package" for me. Most of it was consumed with great deliciousness; the beads (which are beautiful but not quite edible) will be posted up on the business blog as soon as I'm done over here.

In any case, onto the earrings!

I think this officially counts as a "streak" of pearly posts...

These lovely pearls were designed to match the necklace that was posted on Valentine's Day:

Honestly, while this photo isn't horrible, I'm glad to see that I've improved my photography techniques quite a bit!

The set is made from freshwater pearls; shades of green and gold meet an irregular white oval at the focal point of the necklace. For the earrings, I chose to use only the "accent" pearls, as you can see below:

I'm experimenting with a different background for the earrings-- this one shows up fairly true to color~!

I love these earrings, and I love the set they belong to. However, tomorrow I am going to try my absolute hardest NOT to make another pearl earring set. As much as I love working with pearls, I think three days in a row is quite enough of that, thankyouverymuch.

Until tomorrow, faithful readers~!

My Pain, My Creativity, My Life

So, faithful readers, I apologize for not putting up a post in so long. This is, quite literally, the first day in over a week and a half that I have not felt completely unwell. I'm not saying that I feel FABULOUS today, but at least I'm not on death's door...


Last week, Lori (a fellow jewelry blogger, whom I follow for her beautiful work and lovely personality) wrote up a lengthy post that I truly connect with with my entire heart and soul... it is titled "Pain Versus Creativity."

See? Even the Dread Pirate Roberts understands... you should all know the caption that is associated with this photo~

The truth is, my health is frequently an issue that, until this point, I have frequently swept under the metaphorical mat. I tried not to talk about it because the more one talks about things, the more "real" they become... and this is a reality that I wanted about as much as one wants dental surgery! I have told some number of family members and friends about the details of my health, but this is the first time that I have spoken out to the community at large.

Now, I don't intend to throw a pity-party-- no one likes those-- but when I read Lori's post, I found myself crying from the emotion of someone writing down EXACTLY how I feel about things. The idea that someone else out there understands how I feel, and put in a public forum, gave me the courage to write about my situation.

I have what is known as an Adhesive Disorder, caused by Endometriosis. The situation that I am in is quite complicated, so for now I will hold off on the exact details of what is going on with my body. I'm not ashamed to tell my story, but it's so complicated that it will take much more than a single blog post. For today, though, I will tell you all what this means for me, and how it affects my life.

I am in chronic pain. Many people use the word, but few mean it quite the way that I do. I am in pain, quite literally, every second of every day-- from the moment I open my eyes in the morning, until I go to sleep at night. Pain that wakes me up in the night, from a sound sleep. Pain so severe I cry from it. Pain so excruciating that recovery from surgery is less painful than what I deal with on a day-to-day basis. Pain so unbearable that a bikini wax seems like a gentle tap by comparison. Pain so debilitating that it's hard to move around without limping severely.

Pain that will potentially stay with me for the rest of my life.

Pain that caused me to completely abandon a career path-- teaching-- that I absolutely loved.

A painting by a former student. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the one in the middle is me... and yes, I still have all the artwork from my years in the classroom. I wouldn't give up that "porfolio" for anything!

The reason that Lori's post resonated so strongly within me, is because of the words she used. "Invisible pain made me feel like an invisible person -- hiding out in a dark room, being deprived of all the things I love to do." Never were truer words spoken.

My health touches my entire life... career, friendships, finances, social outings, even my passions. There are days that I need to tell friends that I don't feel well enough to see them. There are days when I don't leave my bed at all, and I can't even knit because of the pain. Days when I can't go down to my studio and paint, or make a necklace, because it requires too much movement. In many ways I have become an "invisible" woman, especially on those days when no one sees me.

Now, I know that I am a very lucky lady. I am blessed to have an opportunity to stay home and create beautiful things. I have been gifted with an artists' soul, and the ability to create works of art. I can do anything that I set my mind to do, and I have a (hopefully long) lifetime ahead of me to do just that. I am not happy about my situation-- I don't know that I ever will-- but I am gradually coming to terms with what I have to deal with. I continue to move forward, because there is no going back to how things were before.

In closing today, I am again borrowing Lori's words, from her post regarding pain. She told her readers, "Don't be afraid to share your story.  Don't be afraid to hide your story.  Either way, the point is to make your soul more peaceful in whatever way you feel comfortable, and to be gentle with yourself." I will add to these words of wisdom, something that Lori mentioned, but in my own words. Something I tell people when they are in need.

No one is ever truly alone. Seek out people who truly care; help carry their burdens in life, and they will help you carry theirs. To all you out there, who are dealing with your own troubles and pains... you are not alone. <3